Respect

I just did a search on our own site and didn’t find anything on respect.  I should have wrote about this important lesson earlier, but I guess it wasn’t the right time.  Now that you two are here and getting older, you need to know about respect.  There are many meanings of respect, but in our household and in our family it means a lot more.

In our culture, in our Filipino culture, respect of parents and elders is very important.  I can not define or tell you at what age makes an elderly person, but you will know when you come of understanding.  It is important to respect your elders in our families because they have wisdom, experience, and knowledge that you do not yet possess.  So listen carefully to the elders in our families.  I specifically say ‘our families’ because I can not speak for other people and their intentions.  On your mom’s side I am positive that there is no difference.  They too respect their elders.  Learn this, give it, and earn it.

I don’t have to tell you about respecting your parents.  That should be a given.  We deserve respect just for the fact that we have raised you and sacrificed everything to get you where you are today.  We look after your well being even though we may not always agree in your actions.  We do know better because we were your age once.

This aspect of respect also applies to parents of your friends.  When you go over to their house, respect their ways.  If you see there are shoes at the entrance of the house, that means they take off their shoes in the house.  You should do the same.  Always address your friend’s parents with respect.  Call them either Sir or Ma’am or by their last name even if they insist otherwise.  If they offer you food, have some.  Don’t ask for more than what you can eat.  Thank them for the meal and compliment them on the tastes even if it is something you have never had before.  Parents love it when you eat their food.

Respect your friends and co-workers.  You should know by know that everyone is different.  It would be impossible to tell you all the different types of people there are in the world and what they have gone through in this life.  Rather than try to understand them, respect them because they are your fellow human being.  You don’t have to agree on anyone’s lifestyle or religion, but you should respect their humanness and overall humanity.  For the most part, most people are good.  It’s not for you to judge other people.

Respect life.  All life, yes all life including the tiniest little ant to the tallest giraffe.  Believe it not animals have souls just like you and me.  Do no intentional harm to them.

Respect other people’s property.  If something does not belong to you, then you have no right to take it or do what you please with other people’s stuff.  Know what is yours.  Otherwise, work hard to get your own stuff.  People have worked hard to acquire things.  Not everything can be replaced.  Don’t steal, vandalize, or keep anything that is not yours to begin with.

Respect and obey law.  Respect the men and women who protect you and our families from harm and danger and the laws they try to enforce.  But the time you can read this most of our rights will be taken away because of our political system.  You will have to rely on the law to protect you so know what is covered under the law and what isn’t.

As grandpa would say, ‘use your head’!

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It’s not that I’m a non-believer, it just that my approach to prayer is different.  My praying style is more contemplative.  It’s not only by choice, but it’s because it’s all I have time for right now.  I don’t have time to save the world like I used it.  My world has dwindled down to just my immediate family.  I’m sure HE understands that.

I have also stopped praying for things I need or what other people need.  HE knows my suffering as well other people’s suffering.  I don’t have to repeat myself.  If something is meant to be, it will happen for or against my will.  I stopped trying to will for things years ago.

For Justice and Jasmine, you have a long way to go to even comprehend what I am saying.  In about a month you will be baptized as Catholics.  You will learn the history and teaching of our faith.  At least my faith.  Your mom is not Catholic, but she has a heart of a Saint.  What you do after you go through the different rites of initiation is up to you.

God may not like me for what I am about to say, but you have to find the greater truth which to live by.  I will have given you one prospective.  There are other choices out there.  I choose what I choose because I believe there is a greater circle of truth around Catholicism.  There is documentation, physical evidence, and other reasons.  You have to find yours.

If you stick with being Catholics, then great!  I won’t be broken hearted if you choose otherwise.  However, it is a choice and a lifestyle that you have to be happy with.  Not for me, but for you.

It’s my faith that has always believed in your coming to this world.  I will try my best to teach you about what lies ahead and beyond.  I’m sure there is happiness and wonder that is unimaginable.

As much as you are my children, you are also HIS.  God protect you always.

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My hope is that we pass on the importance of family, education, and helping others.  We will give you the ideal situation even though ours is not picture perfect.  My hope is that you will exceed my expectations and have a better life.  Ours has filled with personal struggles and financial challenges.

As you know we have a small family.  Our immediate family includes your uncle, aunt, and cousin.  Everyone else is out of the country, including grandpa and your mom’s family.  Cherish what you have, respect your elders, and always watch out for each other.   We are all there are at the moment.

My hope is that you go all with way with your education.  You will need to show that you can complete the higher standards of education so you can carry those skills, knowledge, and commitment in the working world.  You will have to be better than average.  Average will not get you noticed and average will not pay you what you are worth.  Everything costs money.  We have very little of it.  You will need to make your own.

My hope is that you will not be selfish with you time and talents.  Go out and help someone, fight for a cause, do what is right!  Do not get caught up with yourself that you forget others.  Our family and our cultures are known for being hospitable, friendly, and caring.  Helping others is good for the soul.  We believe in karma, don’t let it hit you because you were too busy and self absorbed.

My hope is that you will exceed in something that you love doing.  You can also be the jack of all trades or a master of a few.  What ever you choose to do in your life, make sure you are happy.  Making money is important, but you should be happy in what you are doing.  Find purpose in everything you do.  The money will follow.

By the time you read and understand this I will be that much older.  I may forget to tell you these things so I hope you come back and read all the lessons I/we have left behind.

We want the best for you.  Just because we are older doesn’t mean we know less than you do.  We have gone through many life lessons that you still have not learned.  My hope is that you learn from our mistakes so you can be a better person.

Never be afraid to speak your mind.  We prefer honesty even if it hurts.  The truth often hurts.  We’re here to listen and guide you.  You are not alone.

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No to strangers

Growing up our teachers and parents would always say, ‘don’t talk to strangers’.   As a kid this was hard for me.  I trusted people too easily.  I didn’t know any better.  But now-a-days, this lesson doesn’t just apply to talking to strangers in person, it also covers talking to strangers on the internet.

The internet can be accessed just about anywhere from almost all electronic devices.  If you have access to the internet then you will have access to the hundreds of social networks out there like Facebook, Tweeter, and MySpace just to name a few.  If you have an iPhone, then you know there is an app for these social networks.  This makes access even easier and more dangerous for our kids and family.

As parents I am sure we try our best to monitor our kids online usage.  Some parents go as far as to add themselves to their kid’s social network groups.  That’s a start!

But it has to start even before that.  I’m not here to tell you how to parent your child, but I believe if you want your kid to learn important lessons, you have to teach them early.  This idea of not talking to strangers should apply to strangers in person and strangers online.   There are just too many evil people out there and they have gotten smarter over time.

These ‘strangers’ use social websites to gather information about you, where you are, when you’re not home, etc.  They don’t even have to be added to your social network.  If your status updates are visible to the public, then there is some risks that you could be targeted by ‘these people’.

I hate to see people being victimized by these tech savvy ‘strangers’.   Please inform your kids and family to be more discreet in their online status and offline encounters with ‘strangers.  Society is not what it used to be.

Do as I say, not what I do.

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Scratch My Back

Remember the good ole days of ‘I Scratch Your Back, You Scratch Mine’?  Today it’s more like ‘I Scratch Your Back, You Stab Mine’.  Seriously, what is up with everyone?!

Has the scare of the economy have all us fighting and being more competitive?  Have reality shows glamorized the payoffs of being single minded?  Someone help me understand.

Remember when you helped a friend move.  You got up early on a Saturday morning, dragged yourself out of bed, and put on your moving clothes just to help ‘a friend‘ in need.  A friend that you’ve known for years and went through thick and thin.  A friend that you supported at work or school.  A friend you bought cookies for fund raising events.  A friend that you helped out of a jam.  A friend whose family you’ve supported in one way or another.  A friend that you thought would return the favor someday.  Remember those days?  I surely do and unfortunately, they don’t.

This tells me a few things.

1.  The people I thought were friends aren’t

2.  The family members I thought were genuinely concerned aren’t

3.  That I shouldn’t expect anything from anyone regardless of the favors I do for them or regardless of our relationship or past experience together

4.  Cherish your friends and family who have the best intentions for you and for all.

There was a time in my life when I would do things unconditionally and without complaint.  A smile and a handshake was all it took.  But now as I’m older with a few more life lessons under my belt, it isn’t so easy to help mankind without some sort of expectation in return.

I’m all of a sudden in that ‘what’s in it for me?’ mentality.  I help you, you help me is how it’s gonna be from now on lol.

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Stay in School

My grandmother (Lola) was a strong supporter of a good education.  She believed in it so much.  She know that value of a good eduction in this country.  My mom barely finished grade school before my Lola started to take care of her.  Back in the day, school was a luxury.  I guess it’s not free like the public schools here in the States.  Free is a relative word.  But the bottom line is that my mom didn’t have the book smarts she wanted.

Dad was the same way.  He knew and knows the importance of a good education.  He supported me financially through high school and college.  I still had to work though.  Tuition and books on a quarterly system was quite a burden.  Dad gave me just enough to cover rent and food.  The rest came from financial aid.

From Lola down to my dad, we all believe that education is important.  It is what gets you through this life and prepares for your future.  It is an accomplishment to be proud of.  It is something that is valuable and rare in our family.  It’s not impossible, it just takes discipline and hard work.  Long hours of study and memorization are a requirement.  The payoff is priceless.

Check out the 5 reasons to stay in school from the National Dropout Prevention Center/Network:

Top 5 Reasons to Stay in School

1. High school dropouts are four times as likely to be unemployed as those who have completed four or more years of college;
2. Graduating from high school will determine how well you live for the next 50 years of your life. High school graduates earn $143 more per week than high school dropouts. College graduates earn $336 more per week than high school graduates ($479 more per week than high school dropouts);
3. Dropouts are more likely to apply for and receive public assistance than graduates of high school;
4. Dropouts comprise a disproportionate percentage of the nation’s prison and death row inmates. 82% of prisoners in America are high school dropouts;
5. School districts all over the country provide alternative programs for students who are not successful in the usual school setting. The best programs in the country are featured in our Model Programs Database. The database can be searched for programs in your city and/or state.

I know there are things that happen to make you want to drop out of school, but it’s not worth it believe me.  Do not get caught up in making money.  Once kids get the taste of money from part time jobs, then they think that’s all they need to survive.  Part time jobs are supposed to supplement your financial situation towards school expenses.

Find the right friends.  The wrong kind of friends are the ones that drop out of school and try to influence you to do the same.  They are the ones into drugs and other bad things.  These are the type of friends you want to stay away from.  They are more trouble then they are worth.  The right friends motivate you to study and to appreciate all the goodness in this life.

Balance your activities between schooling, sports, music and other meaningful things.  Once you get out of school you can catch up on other things you may have missed.  By then, you will have the means and support to do whatever you want in this life.  But whatever you do, stay in school.

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Street Smarts

What is the world coming to?  Today I was listening to CNN and they talked about how kids are dying every week on the streets of Chicago.  Somehow kids are dealing with their problems with violence.  One kid was shot twice in the same neighborhood just riding his bike.  I’m not sure how that could have been avoided.  He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

There are plenty of things that can be done and I’ll leave that to the politicians, educators, and law enforcement agents to figure out.  While these groups are figuring out a solution, this would be a good time to develop your street smarts.

Street smarts isn’t something you learn in school, it’s something you learn on the ‘streets’ by observing people.  It’s like a game.  When I go out to public places I always make sure I’m sitting in the power position.  The power position is the seat that have view to the door and can see everything in that area.  I never had my back to the door and I always pay attention to what is going around me, the sounds around me, and just paying attention to my surroundings.

When I walk around I try to keep my hand outside of my pockets.  I want to be able to use my hands in an emergency situation.  Keeping your hands in your pockets will leave you vulnerable (unless you’re holding pepper spray or have your house keys wrapped in-between your fingers).

Having street smarts also means having common sense.  It means not walking to your car by yourself at night.  It means always thinking about your safety and staying out of bad places.  Sometimes you are in situations that are out of your control.  Best thing is to get in control and get in a comfortable and safe environment.  Nothing is worth your safety.

Being alert includes profiling people.  I know it’s bad, but it’s what I do.  If I see a suspicious person, I keep my eye on him.  I watch his movements and observe any unusual behavior.  This behavior includes constantly watching for authorities, gazing at children, monitoring women’s belonging, etc.  Sometimes I wish I had a photographic memory so I could recall a face at will.

Don’t be fooled either.  Having street smarts means being tough and not letting anyone BS you or rope you into something you do not want to do.  There are lessons in school that are important to remember.  Don’t talk to strangers.  Don’t ride in a strangers car.  Don’t walk home alone.  I’m sure there are more tips that the schools teach now-a-days.  Learn them all if you’re still in school.  If not, then Google ‘safety tips‘ and see what you find.

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Saying ‘yeah yeah’ doesn’t mean anything.  However, saying ‘yes in 5 minutes’ is better than saying ‘yeah yeah’.  This is another one of our Nispiros Lessons.

Growing up there was nothing more annoying to my mom than me saying ‘yeah yeah’ LOL.  Rolando do this, Rolando do that.  ‘Yeah yeah’.

Now that I’m in the corporate world, ‘yeah yeah’ certainly does not cut it.  If I was President of the United States such as our President Obama, I’m sure he would not have been elected if he responded ‘yeah yeah’.  When my boss says he’d like to see a headline report on his desk in the morning, I’m sure he means a lot more than just a summary of tasks and statistics.  He means, show me a headlines report that talks to the initiatives that we are working on in the company and present it in a way that will wow me.  This is probably what he means by having a headlines report in the morning.

Trash

Following through is easy, but it does take time, discipline, and commitment.  It takes time, because you have to make sure you have a plan.  It’s not just about committing to a task, but it’s also how you carry it out and how the instructions are given to you.

For example, taking the trash out means also replacing the trash liner and making sure you locked the garden gate.

It also means making sure you’ve gone through out the house and making sure all possible garbage is disposed of, not the the waste that’s in the kitchen trash can.  It also means checking the recycle bin in the pantry and laundry room and making sure they are empty.  This is what I mean by taking the trash out.

See, my mom never explained what she meant.  She just said take out the trash and that’s what I did.  I just took the trash from the kitchen garbage can and that’s it.  I could have asked what did she mean?  But then she’d probably say, use your common sense.  You see there are garbage cans in the bedrooms and bathrooms, empty those too!

Lesson here is follow through AND ask questions.  Ask what the expectations are of the tasks.  This will set you up for success.   Otherwise, you might feel the wrath of the evil slipper.

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Best Friends

But you know, she never really explained what she meant.  What she really meant to say is that pick good friends.  Pick friends that are nice with good morals and with a good sense of judgment.  Pick friends like you that are honest, friendly, and that are a good influence.  Pick friends that are smart and worldly and won’t cheat on you or stab your back.

When I think my long life friends, friends I’ve known for 20 years or more, I think about how we are the same, the history we’ve shared, and how thankful I am to have had such friends.  When you are younger and busy working, you think you have time to make friends.  I’d say, don’t wait.  Make friends now when you’re young and full of energy.

Your life friends will probably start to come to you when you’re in Jr. High School or High School.  Take advantage of that time and don’t hurry to start working.  Make friends and chose them wisely.

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This is a continuation of the ‘Nispiros Lessons’.  I know it’s easy to look at someone and make a snap judgment about his or her success or lack of it.  But don’t let that influence your decision on how you will interact with that person.  Get to know them.  Talk to them.  Dig deeper.  Ask questions, inquire, then make your decision.

I’m not perfect at it, but don’t make a quick judgment just because I haven’t demonstrated this skill.  Use your own brain and do the right thing.  Just because a person is not wearing the latest fashion or not sporting most recent hair style doesn’t make them not cool.  What makes them cool is what they are and who they are on the inside.

A sincere friend, a loyal partner, or a person who touches your heart, is priceless.   Genuine happiness can not be bought.  Don’t let opportunities pass you by because you were early to judge.

Take a look a Susan Boyle and you’ll understand a fraction of what I’m trying to say. The rest of you will have to learn on your own.

Britains Got Talent 2009 – Susan Boyle

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